To that end, a while back I started taking regular Solo Date Days. The basic premise is pretty obvious, but here's how it works for me. The Bearded Avenger (TBA) works a three week roster. Every third week essentially consists of all dayshift, so he's gone from way early to almost dinnertime every day. Obviously the kids are in school, so I take one of those days - usually the Tuesday - off.
For six hours, I am my own woman. I make a point of not making plans with friends on this day. This is not the day for coffee or long lunches - plenty of time for that later. No, Solo Date Day is just for me. If there's a movie playing that TBA appears allergic to, then I might go to that (another benefit of having SDD on a Tuesday - 'cheap tickets day'). I might grab a coffee and go sit in a food court to write (if that sounds odd, next time you're in a food court spend five minutes people-watching - best character inspiration ever). I might spend a couple of leisurely hours at my favourite fabric store. Maybe do an op-shop (thrift store) crawl or bus it to the city, rocking out (silently!) to tunes on the way and then taking a solo tour of the art gallery. I might do whatever the heck I want - and that's the point.
I think as mums we are naturally geared toward a caring role and this often leads to putting our own needs last. It's like squeezing something that big out of something that small automatically means we'll never eat a hot meal again. I remember my mother always, always serving herself last at dinner - and if it looked like the food was going to end before the people did, she would take a very small serve and declare herself 'not that hungry'. She never took the last chop, or scoop of mashed spuds or glass of milk. Sure, it's lovely and noble and I find myself copying her in a myriad of ways - but it's also damn stupid. My mother died world-weary at 55. I am not my mother.
Of course I'm very grateful my kids are all at school and skipping about the countryside for six hours is completely doable for me. Some gals have younger kids and don't have as many options. But you can still 'date yourself' at home (bubble bath, wine, book...slice of heaven). Or if you can leave the cherubs with their father for even two hours, you can run off to the movies, or to the coffee place, or to
Just for once, take that last chop and don't feel guilty about doing it :P
And to end, if you haven't already seen it, check out this video:
